Monday, December 03, 2007

explosive cranberry juice.

Hi there, I've been really busy lately so I haven't had a chance to blog for awhile, but I just HAD to blog about this. we opened up a bottle of cranberry juice the other day ( the big no-name kind of jug) and it's been sitting on our counter for the last two days or so and tonight I went to have some and on the label in fine print* it read: IMPORTANT: PRODUCT MUST BE REFRIGERATED AFTER OPENING. Okay, Fine with me. but in smaller print underneath fore-mentioned statement it says:

Do not store opened container
at room temperature
as pressure build-up may occur,
causing possible injury.



possible injury???!!!, who knew that the cranberry juice in your fridge could be potentially harmful to your health and your sanity.
picture this,
your sitting in the doctors office getting a piece of plastic removed from your body and the doctor asks you how it got there.
you give him this explanation: "I forgot to put my cranberry juice in the fridge and it tried to kill me by blowing itself up in my face"
the doctor looks at you funny and asks you what your name is.
Josh T-----k** you answer.
oh, he says. He's silent for a minute or two, then says
"have you ever been diagnosed with any mental illness in the past?"
no, why?, you ask. wondering why he would ask such a silly question.
oh, nothing. he says as he yanks a piece of plastic out of your abdomen with a pair of needle nose pliers. "I got these" he says, snapping the pliers in front of your face, " at Michael's on sale for 40% off, great deal Eh?
you gulp.
half an hour and twenty stitches later you are let out of the hospital with a sore tummy and an appointment to a psychiatrist.
why would he ever give you a appointment to a
psychiatrist?, you ponder this as you walk down the sidewalk into a setting sun. happy that the evil cranberry juice had lost the battle and that you got a free sucker from the lady at the front desk of the doctors office.
THE END.
sheesh, it makes you wonder what else is in your kitchen that could be "potentially harmful"
anyway I guess I better go and get to bed, I have to go to a psychiatrist in the morning and she wants my complete medical history on hand.
some people are so odd.

(*yes, I AM one of those people who reads the fine print on EVERYTHING.)
(** the characters names have been left out for the protection of themselves, I guess. and besides these thingies(*) are fun to play with.)


10 comments:

arlene said...

HoooT!! Too hilarious Josh.

mom

Kathleen said...

Very funny!!! Everything can be dangerous, though :).

Were you serious about the psychiatrist part or was that part of the story?

runs with scisors said...

oh it was part of the story... I hope.

Karyn/Mom said...

I knew there was a reason I avoid cranberry juice!

Lisa said...

Ok, Josh, I was about to phone your mom in the morning to find out if this really happened. I still may... If it didn't, you are a very good story teller. If it did, I just have to laugh and shake my head at the things we get messed up in!

Lisa

runs with scisors said...

yeah, the part about the psychiatrist was just part of the story.
I'm still uneasy around cranberry juice though, it's been sitting there staring at my from the counter and you never know what might happen...

Lisa said...

You mean that juice is still sitting on your counter???
Lisa

runs with scisors said...

THAT particular bottle is not on the counter anymore, but we opened another one and it Looks rather suspicious to me...
you never know about them cranberry's, they jus got that look that aint right, ya know what I mean?

Lisa said...

And when you've had a "close encounter" with cranberry juice, you never see it again without a bit of suspicion!
Lisa

Kathleen said...

(guffaws)